Love, Near
by NightmaresInBlackAndWhite
Summary: I could never figure you out, and I still can't. I miss you you know. - sorry I kind of suck at the summary. NearXMello and implied MelloXMatt


**WARNING: YAOI (BOYXBOY) if you don't like then don't read!!!!! NO FLAMING!!!! But please R&R!!!! I would REALLY appreciate it. **

**Kind of a love triangle. NearXMello & MelloXMatt**

**ENJOY!!! **

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Sometimes, I use to think I know you. But then you would do something to surprise me again and my world would turn upside down. I could never figure you out, I still can't and I hate it because I have always been able to figure everything out. But you are a different story.

We were brought up here, trained to be just like him. I was, I am number one. I am the best of the best. But there is one thing, one person I can't figure out, you. You were always trying to beat me, always trying to be better. Pushing yourself to your limits just to win a game I wasn't even trying to play. You would pick on me but you still had another side. A side I'm not even sure really exists.

We became friends after a while, it was more of a mutual tolerance than anything else but it was better than nothing. Then it started becoming something more. Something I didn't really like to think about but at the same time, no matter what I did, how much I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about it, about you.

After he died you left. You got so angry when Roger suggested we work as a team, because that would mean you could never beat me. You would never be able to though, not on your own like that. Even with Matt and the Mafia backing you, not to mention all your skills, it was never enough. We are like two parts of the same person. I'm the brain and you're the heart. I know you keep saying you love me, but I see the way you look at Matt. He does whatever you say, and I think it gives you a since of power, of accomplishment, to have people, especially people in the mafia, respect you and fear you.

You are a murderer and no matter how much you deny it, it is true. You killed people just to become the best, to beat me. On one hand, it wasn't your fault, but on the other it was. You could have stayed. Could have at least taken Matt with you so I would have know you were happy. But you left both of us. For four years. Four years. Then he found you. And you took him in, he took you back. And even after that, you still had the guts to look me in the eyes and say you missed me. When we were alone, you told me you loved me, in public you said you hated me, but what did you say to yourself. Do you even know? I don't think you do.

That was when you came to me with a plan. We all knew you were probably going to die but you insisted. That night was our last time.

The next night, I saw you on the news. You were dead. The Kira spokeswoman had killed you with what must have been a piece of the notebook. How it slipped by you I still don't know. How she died, I figured out later, when I proved that Light Yagami was in fact Kira as L had said. I saw Matt get shot a bunch of times, his car also getting wrecked by the bullets. I know you saw it too. I know you must have cried. You loved him, I know you did. Like I already said, I saw the way you looked at each other. You didn't even care if anyone else was watching, like you did with me. You only loved me when you **knew** we were alone.

I saw you, dead, in the burning building, in the truck. I couldn't help it. I was usually so casual about death, because it happens, but knowing you wouldn't be coming back just tore me up on the inside. It killed me. I knew you could never answer my questions now. Every question I had ever wanted to ask you but hadn't in fear that you would laugh or that I wouldn't like the answer remains unanswered. It kills me to have a problem I can't solve. To have a problem that can never be solved.

I miss you, you know. We were only good enough to be the next L when we were together. But you are gone now, and I don't know if I can live up to L's reputation. For the first time, I'm doubting myself, because now I know how I could be if you were here, who I could be if you were here.

I really do miss you. You should here the way I cry at night when you aren't there to comfort me like you were back at Wammy's. I cry for you and for Matt, because I know if you could, you would cry for him and I need to feel like you are still here, even though I know you aren't and can't be. I still hold on to these miniature shreds of hope.

Not even my toys amuse me anymore. The beeping robot that was my favorite sits abandon in a corner most of the time, because it reminds me too much of how things used to be. I got new dice and new dominos and new Lego's so that I could try to convince myself that since they were different, there was absolutely no reason they should remind me of you, but the still do.

Most of my workers stoped asking me what was wrong. Most of them except Halle. She acts like a mother. It makes me feel even worse because she tries so hard to act like a mother, to make me feel better, but we both know her efforts are in vain.

You are the only thing that can brighten my day. You always were. You were my everything. You still are.

You were always so religious. Always talking about Heaven and Hell. I hope you got where you wanted to go. I hope I get to go there too. I hope I can be with you.

I don't even mind if I have to share you with Matt, I just want to be with you.

See you soon, Mello.

Love,

Near

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Great. I am emo now after writing this. lol 3 Well I hope you all enjoyed it because now i'm depressed. *sigh* oh well i'm gonna go eat some cookies now lol ^_^

**PLEASE R&R! I WOULD LOVE YOU FOREVER IF YOU DID!!! **


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